For the past few months I’ve been talking to a friend of mine that has been totally distraught over the fact that her relationship with her guy ended. No matter what I have said to her she can’t see that his leaving her was a blessing in disguise. Many of us look back on past relationships and wish we had what we had lost.
The questions you ask when they leave you
If your guy or girl left you, you begin to look at yourself, “What did I do wrong?”, “Why couldn’t he want or love me?”, or “What was so great about her?”. Yes self reflection is great, you should take the time to look at yourself and see if you have some habits that aren’t healthy for a good relationship but don’t stop there. In the case of my friend she never asked for a commitment until it was too late and he saw her as just fun and games.
The questions you ask when you leave them
If you are the one that left your guy or girl you might be asking yourself, “What is wrong with these men (women)?”, “Why do I keep ending up with the same kind of guy (girl)?”, or “Why didn’t I leave this guy (girl) a long time ago?”. Again self-reflection is good; you need to recognize your patterns and the behavior you let go when you are in a relationship and when you aren’t.
How Failed Relationships are Blessings in Disguise
I am a strong believer in the fact that if God wanted it to be it would be. That we often fight against God’s plan because we think we know better than him what is best for us. Sorry to tell you but we don’t. God has given us all red flags to let us know when a relationship is going wrong. When that relationship fails and it will fail whether we stay or not, this is your opportunity to look back and see how you do and do not want to be treated. For example, in the past these are some of the things I have been through with men I either dated or had a relationship with:
- They cheated on me
- Didn’t want to spend time with me
- Never took me out
- Made me feel like it was wrong to call that person my man in public
- Men who didn’t want to claim me
- Men who wanted to use me for my education and business savvy
- Men who didn’t appreciate me
- Didn’t love me
- Wouldn’t take me out
- Used me for money
- Took advantage of my good nature
- Treated me like I was stupid
Not every relationship is meant to be. Some relationships come about to teach us lessons. They put light on our insecurities and past hurt so we can fix them. They show us how we do and do not want to be treated and they show us how to love and how to be loved.
It is not necessary for every relationship to work because they won’t. Even the most perfect of relationships has problems but when the problems in the relationship are causing you to always be unhappy. It is time for change. It is time to set some standards and stick to those standards. It time to figure out what is going on in us that allows us to keep repeating the same mistakes and continually getting hurt.
Abhati O’s Loving Thoughts